Sunday, November 15, 2009

The "it" factor

Let's all take a moment to pay homage in honor of Guy X, who was put to rest in my dating hall of fame. (Actually, he doesn't really qualify for hall of famage as we had only three dates.)
After days and days of incessant text messaging, he finally asked me on a date. He sent a text and invited me to lunch. "I don't think so," I said. "I'm sorry but I just don't think we're going to work out."
He asked what changed. "Too many texts," I said.
He responded by saying that he never felt comfortable calling and that I don't seem available.
I don't get that. After asking him out three times (yes, I initiated our first three dates), I told him it was his turn. "It might be sooner than you think!" he texted me.
Tick. Tick. Tick.
What part of "I am free today and tomorrow" leaves the impression that I don't have time? I gave him several opportunities to ask me on dates.
And I don't. want. to. be. asked. on. a. date. by. text. MESSAGE.
Let's face it: If there was something there,  I would have made it happen.
My friend Diane calls it the "it factor."
"It" isn't love at first sight. It's like chemistry, that thing that leaves you wanting more. It makes you smile uncontrollably when you see his (or her) name pop up on your text in-box, caller I.D. or when you see him walking toward you. "It" is that electrical thing that goes off inside when your knees touch under a table or when you take in his or her scent. I know. I sound like a silly girl.
It shows up early. It is there when you meet. If It isn't there by the third date, It isn't going to show up. Move on. Next.
Likewise, be wary when It shows up followed by red flags (Hello? Parasite?). It can be quite powerful.
I definitely didn't have It for Guy X. I liked him, but I didn't have It for him.


katshepherd said...

So true, Noelle. I have a unfinished book I started writing when I was single, titled "50 Horrific Dates and Other Reasons to Consider an Arranged Marriage" due to the many crazy dates I went on! I once turned to a date before we ordered dinner (we were having a pre-dinner drink) and said, "Why don't we just call it a night?" He looked relieved and thanked me. There was no "it" there. On the other hand, when I met my husband at a wedding out of state, I told my friend who picked me up at the airport that I'd met the man that I was going to marry. And here we are, 8 years later! :)

NoelleInAZ said...

Kate, I think you need to finish that book!