Tuesday, July 22, 2008

A good day means the toilet water's green

What's the square footage of an elevator? Four by four? Five by five?
So, if you're trying to have a private conversation, ain't gonna happen, right?
Here's a conversation I overheard one morning as I rode to the 7th floor:
She: You know how I know it's going to be a good day?
He: How?
She (whispering): Two things happen before I get to my desk. I get to press the button on the elevator, and when I go to the ladies' room, the toilet seat is up and the water's still green from the cleaning crew. I get to be the first to use it. That's a good way to start a day.
(He and I exchange glances. I raise my eyebrows. He gives an embarrassed smile.)
I know what this toilet-seat joy means to her. It means you are the first set of buns to touch the seat since the cleaning crew swished the bowl and left the clean green water. It's a free ride on the B&O Railroad. You get to head straight to "Go," get out of paper-seat-cover-jail free and collect your 200 seconds of time saved.
But do you really think the cleaning crew WIPES the seat? I wanted to ask her and ruin her fantasy.
It's the little things in life that we need to keep us going. Little things in life, like green toilet water and elevator buttons.

Friday, July 18, 2008

More formulas, more confusion

Shopping for kitty litter. Standing at the back of Pet Smart, viewing the options.
  • Long lasting odor control
  • Immediate odor control
  • Multiple-cat formula
  • Anti-microbial odor control
  • Crystal-blend formula
  • Litter for small spaces
One kitty litter brand. Six formulas. Is there something wrong with me? I want a kitty litter that does all those things. I want immediate, long-lasting control for multiple cats that doesn't track and that clumps and scoops easily. Do I buy all six and mix them in a giant barrel?

If I choose the immediate control, does that mean it won't last? If I choose the long-lasting odor control, does that mean my nostrils will be filled for a short time with eau de cat poo-poo?

And what the hell is crystal-blend formula? According to the Web site, it minimizes dust, offers crumble-free performance (whatever that is) and locks in moisture.

Shit! I want that too!

Lucky for me, Tidy Cat has a "litter selector" on its Web site. Here is the kitty litter that matches my lifestyle:

"Based on your responses, we recommend Tidy Cats Scoop® Small Spaces™. Small Spaces™ is formulated to control odor in tight places with specially designed Litter Granules to absorb odor and form crumble-free clumps, and Power Pieces to neutralize cat box odor on contact."

When I was in Mexico last week, I bought a "wish bracelet" with black beads that symbolize power. Be careful what you wish for: Power may come in the form of clumped-up cat crap.