Friday, September 17, 2010

My rules for dating

Soon after we started dating, John asked me, "Do you have any rules?"
I knew what he meant. Chick rules. The question surprised me. I mean, guys aren't really supposed to know we have rules, which is silly because we know you know them, but we don't want you to let us know that you know them. We like to think we are smart and running the show and you are silly boys who do everything we say.
But, since he asked, and we're building a relationship based on trust and honesty, I answered him.
I told him my first rule: The first time a guy kisses a girl, it cannot be in a parking lot. If he turns out to be The One, I don't want my memory of our first kiss to be one of me buffing my car with my backside.
Second rule: All other firsts should be performed completely sober. You want them to be memorable. You know what I'm talking about. Wink. Wink.
Third rule: Do not let the first time you say "I love you" to happen during the heat of passion.
Fourth rule: The guy should say "I love you" first. Here's why. We women usually know we love you before you guys know you love us. In fact, we women usually know you love us before you know you love us. To avoid potential freaking outage followed by hasty exits, hold your tongue until he says it to you. Be patient.
A couple other rules ...
Fifth rule: Don't ask her on a date via text message or e-mail. Pick up the phone, dial her digits. Ask. Vulnerability is sooooo attractive.
Six: Speaking of texting ... let's not use that as a forum to discuss our relationships, mmmmmkay? If something's wrong, get face time. If you can't do face time, pick up the phone.
Seven: Farting isn't funny. 'Nuff said.
I'm looking for more rules. What rules to you live by when it comes to dating?

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