Sunday, April 25, 2010

People watching

I gave a lot of thought to the loss I experienced this week - the end of a relationship, perhaps the greatest love I have known in my 43 years (not counting a mother's love for her son, of course).
I told my friends that I am a better person for knowing and loving this man. I have more compassion for other people, and I am less judgmental.
At least, I thought I was.
My judgment of others was put to the test Friday night as I attended a fashion show at the trendy Hotel Valley Ho in Scottsdale.
To those of you who don't live in the area, the name of this establishment suggests a pay-by-the-hour enterprise, but be assured this hip urban boutique hotel is somewhat of a landmark in the Valley.
The fashion show was poolside, and as my friends and I awaited the start, we settled in to do some people-watching. I realize that people-watching is just another way to say "judge others," so you don't have to point that out.
The VIP area in front of us quickly caught my attention. A stunning 20-something blonde with shoulder-length straight hair in a tight-fitting aqua blue dress arrived on the arm of a squat middle-age man. Her entire right arm had a tattoo "sleeve," which is gonna look like shit when she's 50, but I'm getting off topic. Otherwise, she was drop-dead gorgeous.
The couple joined three other squat 50-something men and their 20-something dates.
As I watched the group, I kept asking myself, "Why do these people bother me?"
I thought about the ex-wives these men likely have collected, along with children who are likely the same ages as their dates. I thought how ridiculous the men looked in their tie-less suits, dyed hair and round bodies next to these svelt beautiful young women.
I judged the hell out of these dudes, and they probably didn't deserve it. Obviously they've done well for themselves, and they wear mid-life crises well (except for the tallest of the men ... he's had some bad plastic surgery.)
I watched the blond with the sleeve tattoo lean into her man and say something to him. I wondered what the two of them could possibly have in common to discuss. Maybe they were doing the same thing that I was doing - people-judging. We never seem to be too old to do that.
I chastised myself for spending so much thought-energy on people who were oblivious to my existence. And who were hurting no one by being together, as far as I could tell.
My judgment wasn't about them. It was about me feeling hurt, sad and angry that something I'd worked hard for - for nearly two years - and believe in 100 percent had failed.


Ask Elle~ said...

Dear Noelle,

Please do "Always Write".

You've expressed your feelings and thoughts so eloquently- more importantly so very honestly.

I sincerely relate to what you are going through right now,I wish I could offer some sage advice or cast some pearls of wisdom your way- bring you some relief- somehow give you rest.

It's been about a year now since I emerged from a painful journey much like the one you are traveling now.
It lasted far longer than I would have liked- This mending of a broken heart.
Shattering the dreams and plans made together over the years. Everything now gone. Plan B? Pick up the pieces or fall to pieces?
I chose the latter.

The way I chose to react most certainly prolonged my healing.
It still remains a reality though, only time will heal.

I admire your courage. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Thank you for sharing~


ktar said...

Hmmmm ... you think these women and men met on that Website? I ask this question because I wrote a somewhat enraged blog post about the topic of the site a year or so ago. You see, was advertising during a very pro Mary Kay Laterno movie. Yes, it was defending older women ("junior cougars") sleeping with their students and practically advocating it, imo. Of course, that's a story for another time.

At any rate, we're all on a journey. Whether it's a 20-year-old bombshell/stud dating a 50-year-old sugardaddy/cougar or two similar-aged people dating. Some situations, unfortunately, are more superficial than others. Of course, that's not to say absolutely wasteful -- on some sort of level.

Our interactions help to mold and shape our inner character. Clearly, with your situation, that appears to be the case from what you have written; You've gained a deep experience of something that you might not have experienced. As time goes on and things mend, you'll realize that this experience has sharpened your inner reflection.