Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Family jewels, misbehaving and stress-less

I'm driving behind a van the other day, and I notice something strange hanging from the rear bumper. I think to myself, "Those look like big testicles." But they can't be testicles because, why would someone hang big fake testicles from his rear bumper? Naively, I think "I wonder if that guy knows that he has something hanging from his bumper that looks like testicles."The closer I get to the van, the more I realize that it is just very possible that these objects are supposed to look like big gonads - like the size you'd see on a stallion. Mondo.
I say to my boyfriend, "What is that?" pointing to the van in front of us. "Testicles," he confirms.
That driver has a message to send to the world. He has courage. He is brave. He is not afraid of anything. Don't mess with him.
People who use their vehicles to tell the world who they are intrigue me.
Vanity plates are big in Arizona - drivers let the world know that they are lawyers, CPAs, moms, spoiled rotten, bikers, hikers and MZBHAVN.
The guy I have seen driving in my neighborhood with the bumper sticker "No Wife. No Boss. No Stress," he has a message, too, right? He's happy. He's well adjusted. He doesn't need you. Don't mess with him.
(How'd you like to go on a date with a guy who has that message on his vehicle? Think that gets him much action?)
The guy with the testicles? Ick.
MZBHAVN? Doubt it.
The stress-less dude? The word "lonely" pops in my head.
I can't help but wonder if people who plaster messages on their bumpers and hang them from their tailgates are trying to persuade us or convince themselves of their greatness, happiness and confidence.

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